Wednesday, October 6, 2010
A Heart Belonging to Him: Learning To Give Thanks In All Circumstances...Eve...
A Heart Belonging to Him: Learning To Give Thanks In All Circumstances...Eve...: " Yesterday, in my quiet time before church, God challenged me that I need to 'give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God..."
Monday, October 4, 2010
Learning To Give Thanks In All Circumstances...Even Cancer
Yesterday, in my quiet time before church, God challenged me that I need to "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1Thess. 5:18 "Are you kidding?" I asked Him "Thankful for cancer?" I don't know if I can do that?
It is so easy to thank God for the apparent blessings like the birth of our little Karis. But what about the things He allows in our lives that we didn't sign up for, that we would like to wish away. "Give thanks in all circumstances" echoed His still small voice. "What happens if I am not thankful? If I don't cultivate a thankful heart in all circumstances?" I whispered. "A hardened heart toward Me". "An unforgiving heart" was His reply. "I don't want a hard heart or an unforgiving heart, Lord!" At that moment my least favorite book in the Bible (one of my husband's favorites by the way) popped in my mind. The scene was from Job 2 where Job's wife is just overcome with grief and anger over the loss of all she held dear and now Job himself has been physically afflicted. Her response to Job, "Do you still hold fast your integrity: Curse God and die." "But he said to her, "you speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" Later Job says in 13:15 "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him..."
It is amazing how one day you are living life and all is "normal" and the next minute little seems normal and your world has been turned upside down. Things come into our lives that we would have never imagined, never wanted. What do we do, how do we move on? Part of it is perspective. Gaining God's perspective. "7But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not diriven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed;" "16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us and eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:7-9, 16-18
What happens when I dwell on the bad ie the cancer and activily engage in a personal pity party? I have a tendency to fall prey to negativism and complaining. Ok whinning! Which can very quickly, if not checked, lead down the slipperly slope to a critical spirit. I have got to apply the spiritual brakes of trust and a thankful heart. It comes down a choice. Do I trust God with Kevin's cancer? Do I trust Him to continue to take care of me, to never leave me nor forsake me? Am I willing to accept the good from God as well as the bad and be thankful? I can not do this on my own. But as Jesus said in Mark 9:23, "All things are possible for one who believes". So I'm believing God! And Jesus is enabling me to trust Him in all situations and to thank Him in all circumstances, even cancer. I am choosing to trust God. I am choosing to thank God...yes even for cancer. I am truly thankful for this journey with God. Though the journey is hard and the road at the moment is rough and pitted with pot holes I am thankful I don't journey alone for my God is with me and I am holding fast on to Him. He is better than a seatbelt!! My secruity is in Him.
It is so easy to thank God for the apparent blessings like the birth of our little Karis. But what about the things He allows in our lives that we didn't sign up for, that we would like to wish away. "Give thanks in all circumstances" echoed His still small voice. "What happens if I am not thankful? If I don't cultivate a thankful heart in all circumstances?" I whispered. "A hardened heart toward Me". "An unforgiving heart" was His reply. "I don't want a hard heart or an unforgiving heart, Lord!" At that moment my least favorite book in the Bible (one of my husband's favorites by the way) popped in my mind. The scene was from Job 2 where Job's wife is just overcome with grief and anger over the loss of all she held dear and now Job himself has been physically afflicted. Her response to Job, "Do you still hold fast your integrity: Curse God and die." "But he said to her, "you speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" Later Job says in 13:15 "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him..."
It is amazing how one day you are living life and all is "normal" and the next minute little seems normal and your world has been turned upside down. Things come into our lives that we would have never imagined, never wanted. What do we do, how do we move on? Part of it is perspective. Gaining God's perspective. "7But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not diriven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed;" "16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us and eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:7-9, 16-18
What happens when I dwell on the bad ie the cancer and activily engage in a personal pity party? I have a tendency to fall prey to negativism and complaining. Ok whinning! Which can very quickly, if not checked, lead down the slipperly slope to a critical spirit. I have got to apply the spiritual brakes of trust and a thankful heart. It comes down a choice. Do I trust God with Kevin's cancer? Do I trust Him to continue to take care of me, to never leave me nor forsake me? Am I willing to accept the good from God as well as the bad and be thankful? I can not do this on my own. But as Jesus said in Mark 9:23, "All things are possible for one who believes". So I'm believing God! And Jesus is enabling me to trust Him in all situations and to thank Him in all circumstances, even cancer. I am choosing to trust God. I am choosing to thank God...yes even for cancer. I am truly thankful for this journey with God. Though the journey is hard and the road at the moment is rough and pitted with pot holes I am thankful I don't journey alone for my God is with me and I am holding fast on to Him. He is better than a seatbelt!! My secruity is in Him.
Monday, September 27, 2010
A Heart Responding to Cancer
Less that a month ago my sweet husband and I had been waiting for the results of his biopsy. We were both so very certain that all was fine and the results would be clear. The doctor finally called my husband and he in turn called me. I was with two of my friends praying when I answered his call. Cancer...a six letter word that no one ever wants to hear. Shock, disbelief, the world seems to be in slow motion and yet at the same time spinning out of control. "How are you?" I asked him. "The doctor wants to see us. He says its early and wants to go over our options." When I hung up the phone the I turned to face my two friends. " "They think they caught it early." I whispered. "Out of the 12 biopsy's only one was positive for cancer. So that can't be too bad." I shared with them. "God is in control. We will get through this." I heard myself saying. We prayed. I was comforted. Funny how God works. He knew I didn't need to be alone when I received the news.
You know the wonderful thing about shock is that reality doesn't set in. Everything is kind of in slow motion. You feel a bit numb. When we arrived home that night we began searching the web for everything we could learn about prostate cancer. By the end of the evening I had learned more about prostate cancer than I thought possible. And I was totally overwhelmed. "Prostate cancer is the 2nd leading causse of death in men." "The treatment options to kill the cancer completley can leave a man with life lingering side effects." We tried to be positive. We didn't have all the information from our physician so we were going to err on the side of positive. A lot of what we learned was in the very early stages a great option is to just watch it very closely. Surely that would be the doctor's recommendation. As we waited for the meeting with our physician we prayed, knowing God already knew the outcome. I was clinging to Proverbs 3:5- 6, "Trust in the LORD with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowlege Him and He will make your path straight." God knew. I didn't.
The meeting with the doctor was surreal. We were his last appointment of the day. We were shown a tiny room with three chairs and a very small side table which housed information about prostate cancer. When he entered the room, I had that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I might not want to hear what he is going to say. He was kind and caring as he he shared the complete findings with us. The scoring of the cancer was more aggressive and radiation or surgery was his strong recommedation. We asked a multitude of questions. But there was one question that I could not leave unspoked. "If you had not felt the nodule would you have ordered the biopsy?" "No." the doctor replied. There was no cancer found in the biopsy of the nodule. The cancer was found on the opposite side." I held it together until we walked out the door of his office. Then the dam broke. I just could not believe this was happening. Not only was it cancer but it was attacking my beloved, my high school sweetheart, the father of my four children, my best friend, my confidant...my lover. What will our future be like? And yet God in His infamous abundant mercy had allowed this to be found. He had allowed a benign nodule to lead the doctor to find what was sowing potential death. Hope.
"My husband has cancer." I still can not fathom that cancer is now a part of our world. It has not only invaded his proatate but every aspect of our life. When we wake up, it was there. When we go through out our day it is there...seemingly large and looming yet ever hanging in the shadows. But God is bigger than cancer. "Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in sheol, you ae there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light sbout me be night." even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you." Psalm 139:7-12 Hope.
We have searched every treatment option. Talked with those who have walked this path ahead of us...survivors. We have cried. We have prayed. Praying without ceasing has taken on meaning anew. Hope again.
On October 18, my beloved with undergo surgery to remove this cancer growing within him. The prognosis is good. The surgeon wonderfully skilled. We are praying for complete removal of the cancer and for no lingering side effects. Waiting...trusting..."But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, Iwill be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the HOLY One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:1-3 Hope Anew.
You know the wonderful thing about shock is that reality doesn't set in. Everything is kind of in slow motion. You feel a bit numb. When we arrived home that night we began searching the web for everything we could learn about prostate cancer. By the end of the evening I had learned more about prostate cancer than I thought possible. And I was totally overwhelmed. "Prostate cancer is the 2nd leading causse of death in men." "The treatment options to kill the cancer completley can leave a man with life lingering side effects." We tried to be positive. We didn't have all the information from our physician so we were going to err on the side of positive. A lot of what we learned was in the very early stages a great option is to just watch it very closely. Surely that would be the doctor's recommendation. As we waited for the meeting with our physician we prayed, knowing God already knew the outcome. I was clinging to Proverbs 3:5- 6, "Trust in the LORD with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowlege Him and He will make your path straight." God knew. I didn't.
The meeting with the doctor was surreal. We were his last appointment of the day. We were shown a tiny room with three chairs and a very small side table which housed information about prostate cancer. When he entered the room, I had that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I might not want to hear what he is going to say. He was kind and caring as he he shared the complete findings with us. The scoring of the cancer was more aggressive and radiation or surgery was his strong recommedation. We asked a multitude of questions. But there was one question that I could not leave unspoked. "If you had not felt the nodule would you have ordered the biopsy?" "No." the doctor replied. There was no cancer found in the biopsy of the nodule. The cancer was found on the opposite side." I held it together until we walked out the door of his office. Then the dam broke. I just could not believe this was happening. Not only was it cancer but it was attacking my beloved, my high school sweetheart, the father of my four children, my best friend, my confidant...my lover. What will our future be like? And yet God in His infamous abundant mercy had allowed this to be found. He had allowed a benign nodule to lead the doctor to find what was sowing potential death. Hope.
"My husband has cancer." I still can not fathom that cancer is now a part of our world. It has not only invaded his proatate but every aspect of our life. When we wake up, it was there. When we go through out our day it is there...seemingly large and looming yet ever hanging in the shadows. But God is bigger than cancer. "Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in sheol, you ae there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light sbout me be night." even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you." Psalm 139:7-12 Hope.
We have searched every treatment option. Talked with those who have walked this path ahead of us...survivors. We have cried. We have prayed. Praying without ceasing has taken on meaning anew. Hope again.
On October 18, my beloved with undergo surgery to remove this cancer growing within him. The prognosis is good. The surgeon wonderfully skilled. We are praying for complete removal of the cancer and for no lingering side effects. Waiting...trusting..."But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, Iwill be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the HOLY One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:1-3 Hope Anew.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Exercise and Atrophy
I have had an injured shoulder for quite some time. This injury had made exercising a bit tricky. And quite frankly it has been a great excuse to just kick back and take it easy especially being summer. You know give the injury time to heal. Take a bit of time off. Well the time off has turned in to weeks, actually a couple of months to be exact of very inconsistant exercise. I have been known to say that the Gym I belong to has become my biggest charity! But my body has certainly missed the exercise. Mary Jane has been once again flapping in the wind. Not good. So today I went to my class, injured shoulder and all! I was exhausted, but it really did feel good! As I was lifting and really beginning to sweat, did I mention I HATE sweating, a question popped in to my mind; "What happenes when you become lazy spiritually?" "Lazy? Who said I was lazy", I thought not liking the question very much. But I have to say the question plagued me all day. Am I spiritually lazy? Do I have that tendancy? Do I really want to atrophy my spirit? You know as I have pondered this question I have to say I think I am spiritually lazy. As I began to take spiritual inventory I was not liking what I was finding. I rarely miss a day when I read my Bible. But do I always retain what I read? Sometimes I honestly can't remember what I've read five minutes after putting my Bible down. I do talk to God all day long but often times it does seem to be a one sided conversation. You could even call it a monolog. So I guess the bottom line is today I was really challenged by the Holy Spirit to not negelect exercising my spiritual muscle. To not go through the motions. If I am going to love the Lord my God with all my heart, all my soul and with all your mind then I need to give Him my all. That means all of my attention as well. I have to work hard at my relationship with Him. Give Him my best efforts and not my left overs. I was especially reminded of this in 1 Chronicles 28:9 where David says to Solomon, "As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve Him with a whole heart and a willing mind; for the LORD searches all hearts, and understands every intent of the thoughts If you seek Him, He will let you find Him; but if you forsake Him, He will reject you forever." David was dealing with the bitter regret of his sin which cost him dearly. While he was certainly forgiven by God, there were still consequenses that he had to face. He would not be allowed to build God's house. His son Solomon was to be given that honor. Being spiritually lazy can have long lasting consequences if not quicky recognized and corrected. 2 Samual chapter 11 tell us of David who chose to not go to war when kings when to war. He stayed home, lusted after a woman who was not his wife. He took her as if she were. When she told him she was pregnant, he called her valliant husband home from war so he would have relations with his wife and think the child was his own. But Uriah was more honorable than David and slept outside instead. So David sends him back to battle with a letter to his commandar Joab to place Uriah in the front lines. And Uriah dies. It has been said that sin will cost you more that you ever thought you would pay, take you further than you ever wanted to go, and keep you longer than you ever wanted to stay. I love David's counsel to his son. I am sure it was said with all the love and longing he could muster. He knew what sin had cost him and he knew how he got there and why he stayed so long. I am glad I exercised today. But I am so very glad the Holy Spirit reminded me of my own tendancies to be spiritually lazy. To Him Be the Glory!!!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Kindergarten, Differences and Standing Alone
Life is full of firsts. Today was a first. Today was my 5 year old granddaughter's first day of Kindergarten. It seems like yesterday when her mom was in kindergarten. Time does really fly doesn't it. We talk alot about firsts but we seem to forget the lasts. Yesterday was Kaitlyn's last day of summer. It was her last day of not being in "real" school. From now until she graduates, school will be a very important part of her life. Her parents have thus far been the sole investors in her young life. (Ok we grandparents have also played a big role. But we are the nice guys!!) They have loved her, encouraged her, disciplined her, cherished her, and taught her right from wrong. They have lived out their faith before her and have sown seeds of the Christian faith. They have watered and nourished her very young trust. They will continue to provide for all of her needs mind, body, emotional and spiritual but their time investment will continue to decrease as she spends more and more time away from their tender care. That is life isn't it. That is how it goes. And it goes so very fast.
I remember two things about my Kindergarten year. One was I could not wait to learn to read. And once I mastered that task, I read everything I could. I love to read! The second thing I remember most about Kindergarten was Tony. I was raised in a predominantly white area and Tony was African American. I was fascinated. I had never met a black person that was my age and with whom I could interact. As I mentioned yesterday, I really do ask a lot of questions. I remember finding Tony on the jungle gym and bombarding him with questions like: Have you always been chocolate? Can I touch your skin? Does the color rub off? I was meserized with his short wirey hair and I had to touch it. So I asked permission. I remember being surprised to find it soft as I thought it would be course. For one Kindergarten year, Tony and I became fast friends. The next year we went to seperate schools and I never saw him again.
As these memories came rushing over me this morning, I prayed for Tony. I don't know where he is today or if he is even a believer but I felt the need to pray for him. God brought him to mind for a reason. You see Tony stood out. He stood alone. He was different from me, he stood out and as the only black in my class he stood alone and I certainly noticed.
As Kaitlyn begins her journey today in the academic arena, will she stand out? Will she stand alone? And if she does what about her will make others notice her? I hope it is her faith in Jesus. My prayer for my sweet grandaughter is that she will develop a steadfast and unwavering faith in Christ. I pray she will become utterly dependent upon her Saviour. And for that I pray she stands out. She may even have to stand alone. "For I am not ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew and then for the Gentile." Romans 1:16
So my sweet Kaitlyn always be willing to "stand alone" if necessary for the sake of the Gospel" And always remember this from Philippians one verse 6, "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus" Always remember that you are "God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do." I love you with all my heart! Nana
I remember two things about my Kindergarten year. One was I could not wait to learn to read. And once I mastered that task, I read everything I could. I love to read! The second thing I remember most about Kindergarten was Tony. I was raised in a predominantly white area and Tony was African American. I was fascinated. I had never met a black person that was my age and with whom I could interact. As I mentioned yesterday, I really do ask a lot of questions. I remember finding Tony on the jungle gym and bombarding him with questions like: Have you always been chocolate? Can I touch your skin? Does the color rub off? I was meserized with his short wirey hair and I had to touch it. So I asked permission. I remember being surprised to find it soft as I thought it would be course. For one Kindergarten year, Tony and I became fast friends. The next year we went to seperate schools and I never saw him again.
As these memories came rushing over me this morning, I prayed for Tony. I don't know where he is today or if he is even a believer but I felt the need to pray for him. God brought him to mind for a reason. You see Tony stood out. He stood alone. He was different from me, he stood out and as the only black in my class he stood alone and I certainly noticed.
As Kaitlyn begins her journey today in the academic arena, will she stand out? Will she stand alone? And if she does what about her will make others notice her? I hope it is her faith in Jesus. My prayer for my sweet grandaughter is that she will develop a steadfast and unwavering faith in Christ. I pray she will become utterly dependent upon her Saviour. And for that I pray she stands out. She may even have to stand alone. "For I am not ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew and then for the Gentile." Romans 1:16
So my sweet Kaitlyn always be willing to "stand alone" if necessary for the sake of the Gospel" And always remember this from Philippians one verse 6, "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus" Always remember that you are "God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do." I love you with all my heart! Nana
Monday, August 23, 2010
A Heart Belonging to Him--The Journey
I am a follower of Jesus Christ and have been since I was 14 years old. I believe in a real God who exist in 3 persons (that is a weird concept, one God 3 persons. We will save that discussion for another day). I believe alot of things about God. And I have learned to believe through pursing Him, following Him, learning from Him, asking millions and yes I mean millions of questions. Do I have all the answers to all of my questions? No But I still am asking.
Believing God is not always easy for me. There are days when I have such great times with God. I seem to see Him everywhere. I feel His presence. I hear His voice. I delight in His Word, the Bible. No matter what happens on those days...nothing can seperate me from my God. But then there are days when I don't see Him, feel Him, hear His voice and my time in His Word feels more like a distracted duty. Everything seems to seperate me from God. I seem to doubt everything including God. Ever been there? The fact of the matter is God is always with me whether I feel Him or not. I may not see Him but His eye is constantly on me. And quite frankly, if I don't hear Him it is probably because I am not really listening. But He is. If I am not delighting in His Word, it is probably because I am distracted. I am not giving Him my full attention. It's on those days that believing is hard for me. Not because God has changed but because in my heart I am choosing to not believe what God says and to believe my feelings instead.
I don't know where you are. I don't even know if you know who God is? Have ever heard of Jesus or the Holy Spirit. If you do know God then you too are on the journey. If you don't or are not sure then why not begin by asking God if He is really real? Just ask. He truly will answer if you are serious about seeking. "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." (Matthew 7:7-8 ESV) If you really want to know Him you will find Him because He says you will. He really is a lot of fun. He is totally trustworthy. He is faithful. He actually means what He says. He also does what He says He will do. He loves unconditionally. That means no strings attached. He has a way of just showing up when you really need Him. He does not work alone but he works in and through those He calls His own...that would be His family...of which I am a daughter.
Years ago, when my youngest daughter was going through a really rought time, my dad wrote to her and asked her to look at the sunset. He told her God painted it just for her because He wanted to see her smile. Have you ever looked a spectacular sunset and considered that perhaps God was thinking about making you smile with the beauty of His amazing creativity? "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands." Psalm 91:1 (NIV)
Believing God is not always easy for me. There are days when I have such great times with God. I seem to see Him everywhere. I feel His presence. I hear His voice. I delight in His Word, the Bible. No matter what happens on those days...nothing can seperate me from my God. But then there are days when I don't see Him, feel Him, hear His voice and my time in His Word feels more like a distracted duty. Everything seems to seperate me from God. I seem to doubt everything including God. Ever been there? The fact of the matter is God is always with me whether I feel Him or not. I may not see Him but His eye is constantly on me. And quite frankly, if I don't hear Him it is probably because I am not really listening. But He is. If I am not delighting in His Word, it is probably because I am distracted. I am not giving Him my full attention. It's on those days that believing is hard for me. Not because God has changed but because in my heart I am choosing to not believe what God says and to believe my feelings instead.
I don't know where you are. I don't even know if you know who God is? Have ever heard of Jesus or the Holy Spirit. If you do know God then you too are on the journey. If you don't or are not sure then why not begin by asking God if He is really real? Just ask. He truly will answer if you are serious about seeking. "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." (Matthew 7:7-8 ESV) If you really want to know Him you will find Him because He says you will. He really is a lot of fun. He is totally trustworthy. He is faithful. He actually means what He says. He also does what He says He will do. He loves unconditionally. That means no strings attached. He has a way of just showing up when you really need Him. He does not work alone but he works in and through those He calls His own...that would be His family...of which I am a daughter.
Years ago, when my youngest daughter was going through a really rought time, my dad wrote to her and asked her to look at the sunset. He told her God painted it just for her because He wanted to see her smile. Have you ever looked a spectacular sunset and considered that perhaps God was thinking about making you smile with the beauty of His amazing creativity? "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands." Psalm 91:1 (NIV)
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