A Heart Responding to Cancer

Less that a month ago my sweet husband and I had been waiting for the results of his biopsy. We were both so very certain that all was fine and the results would be clear.  The doctor finally called my husband and he in turn called me.  I was with two of my friends praying when I answered his call.  Cancer...a six letter word that no one ever wants to hear.  Shock, disbelief, the world seems to be in slow motion and yet at the same time spinning out of control. "How are you?" I asked him.  "The doctor wants to see us.  He says its early and wants to go over our options."   When I hung up the phone the I turned to face my two friends.  " "They think they caught it early."  I whispered.  "Out of the 12 biopsy's only one was positive for cancer.  So that can't be too bad." I shared with them.  "God is in control.  We will get through this."  I heard myself saying.  We prayed.  I was comforted.  Funny how God works.  He knew I didn't need to be alone when I received the news.

You know the wonderful thing about shock is that reality doesn't set in.  Everything is kind of in slow motion.  You feel a bit numb. When we arrived home that night we began searching the web for everything we could learn about prostate cancer. By the end of the evening I had learned more about prostate cancer than I thought possible.  And I was totally overwhelmed.  "Prostate cancer is the 2nd leading causse of death in men."  "The treatment options to kill the cancer completley can leave a man with life lingering side effects."  We tried to be positive.  We didn't have all the information from our physician so we were going to err on the side of positive.  A lot of what we learned was in the very early stages a great option is to just watch it very closely.  Surely that would be the doctor's recommendation.  As we waited for the meeting with our physician we prayed, knowing God already knew the outcome.  I was clinging to Proverbs 3:5- 6, "Trust in the LORD with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowlege Him and He will make your path straight."  God knew.  I didn't.   

The meeting with the doctor was surreal.  We were his last appointment of the day.  We were shown a tiny room with three chairs and a very small side table which housed information about prostate cancer.  When he entered the room, I had that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I might not want to hear what he is going to say.  He was kind and caring as he he shared the complete findings with us. The scoring of the cancer was more aggressive and radiation or surgery was his strong recommedation.  We asked a multitude of questions. But there was one question that I could not leave unspoked.  "If you had not felt the nodule would you have ordered the biopsy?"  "No." the doctor replied.  There was no cancer found in the biopsy of the nodule.  The cancer was found on the opposite side."  I held it together until we walked out the door of his office.  Then the dam broke.  I just could not believe this was happening.  Not only was it cancer but it was attacking my beloved, my high school sweetheart, the father of my four children, my best friend, my confidant...my lover. What will our future be like?  And yet God in His infamous abundant mercy had allowed this to be found.  He had allowed a benign nodule to lead the doctor to find what was sowing potential death.  Hope.

"My husband has cancer." I still can not fathom that cancer is now a part of our world.  It has not only invaded his proatate but every aspect of our life.  When we wake up, it was there.  When we go through out our day it is there...seemingly large and looming yet ever hanging in the shadows.  But God is bigger than cancer.  "Where shall I go from your Spirit?  Or where shall I flee from your presence?  If I ascend to heaven, you are there!  If I make my bed in sheol, you ae there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me and your right hand shall hold me.  If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light sbout me be night." even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you."  Psalm 139:7-12  Hope.

We have searched every treatment option.  Talked with those who have walked this path ahead of us...survivors. We have cried.  We have prayed. Praying without ceasing has taken on meaning anew.  Hope again.

On October 18, my beloved with undergo surgery to remove this cancer growing within him.  The prognosis is good.  The surgeon wonderfully skilled.  We are praying for complete removal of the cancer and for no lingering side effects.  Waiting...trusting..."But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel:  "Fear not, for I have redeemed you;  I have called you by name, you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, Iwill be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.  For I am the LORD your God, the HOLY One of Israel, your Savior."  Isaiah 43:1-3   Hope Anew.